It is really happening! We are leaving Utah. I look out the
windows to the beautiful Utah Mountains and
I can’t help but get a little
nostalgic. To be totally honest I’m really sad and trying to keep the tears at
bay. But at the same time I keep reminding myself that this is a huge blessing.
We are getting exactly what we prayed for, and we have so much to look forward
to.
I still remember the first time I saw these mountains. When
I lived with Leane our favorite thing to do was go on road trips. So obviously
we thought it’d be a great idea to travel from Southern California all the way
to Idaho. Little did we know the car’s heater wasn’t working. We left the day
after Christmas, in the deadly Utah winter. I remember when we got to Idaho I
ran to the front of the fireplace to put my toes and fingers on the heat. My
toes were blue. Blue people!! I thought they were going to fall off. Oh wel.
Great memories. But anyways, back to the mountains…
I was 17 the first time I saw the Wasatch Mountains. It was
also my first time seeing snow. I instantly fell in love with the mountains. I
remember thinking the sunset in Utah was the most beautiful thing I had ever
seen. Then Leane took me on a little tour of BYU and we went to Temple Square
to visit. I spoke to a sweet Brazilian sister missionary there. Her testimony
was really powerful, it really touched my heart. That night was the first time
I considered being baptized.
Fast forward a year, I was back in Brazil, had gotten into
all the Universities I had applied for, graduated from High School, and had
everything I ever wanted to. But something didn’t feel quite right. I had just
turned 18 and knew in my heart that it was time to get baptized. That is when
things took a huge one eighty. My high school friend (and mission president’s
daughter at the time) was leaving for BYU - coincidence much that the day after
I went back to Brazil I met her? - After talking to her I decided to check out
BYU’s website. Well, that is when the idea was planted in my head that I should
apply for BYU. At first I thought it was
only in my head and the thought was going to die out. But the idea only grew.
The more I prayed about it the clearer it was the path that I should take. My
parents trusted me that if that was what was my heart wanted, that I should go.
Two months later I got my acceptance letter.
I was 18 when I left my home. My family. My country. I was scared to death! I was feeling so
guilty for leaving my family. And honestly at this point I started to question
if leaving Brazil was the right decision for me. If it wasn’t for the people I
knew would be here waiting for me I don’t think I would’ve come. I flew to Las Vegas and Leane and I came to
Utah together (because, you know, that’s what we do, we go on road trips
together). When Leane left me in Provo
to go back to Vegas, I was scared all over again.
After a week at BYU I knew without a doubt that coming here
had been the right thing to do. In my first year at BYU I learned how to be an
adult, I went on countless dates but never wanted to seriously date anyone. I
met great people, made many friends. I went on more road trips. I spent my days
going from class to the library. I learned Italian. I got a job. I paid my own
bills. I went camping. I fell in love with this country. I fell more in love
with these mountains. And most importantly, every day my testimony of the
Gospel grew deeper in my heart.
But something was happening in my life, something that
nobody knew. When I came to BYU the plan was to come study hard (and party
harder, haha), get a great job, and go back to Brazil. But something told me
that, once again, my life was about to take a complete one eighty. That is when
I met Ryan. And fell in love with those deep blue eyes.
I know it shocked a lot of people when we got married, but
in our faith we are taught not to postpone marriage. And I knew without a doubt
that Ryan was the only person I ever saw myself spending the rest of my life
with. So I knew I had to marry him. By this point I had learned that I should always
do what God wants me to do, not what other people tell me do to do.
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes…
Nine months after we got married I peed on a stick. Seconds
later a second line started to appear. I was… shocked!! Pleasantly shocked, but
shocked nonetheless. We wanted to have a baby, I just really didn’t think it
was going to happen so fast. I guess the timing just felt right. I remember we
were in the Celestial Room of the Salt Lake Temple and I saw myself holding a
little fair skinned, brown haired boy’s hand. He was about Luca’s age. That was
before I got pregnant, so when I got pregnant I knew I was going to have a
brown haired boy.
When I was big and pregnant we moved to Wymount. It was the
best decision we could have made. I loved the large windows. I loved that the
mountains were practically my backyard. I loved our tiny apartment, even the
cinder block walls started growing on me. I loved the big closets and the large
pantry. I loved that in the summer everybody gets together to play volleyball
and barbeque out in the quad. I loved that we could walk to the Temple. I loved
the ward. But most importantly, I loved my Wymount girls. I loved the fact that
when I was feeling lonely I could just go to the playground and there would
always be someone to talk to. I loved all the little friends Luca had. I loved
how we always babysat each other’s children. I loved how whenever we needed
anything all we had to do was shout out in the facebook group and we would have
at least 3 people volunteering to help. When I had my miscarriage I cried on my
Wymount friends’ shoulders, honestly I didn’t think there was anyone else that
could understand me better. This is what’s really bringing the tears to my
eyes, thinking that I’m going to leave them.
We are leaving Utah to go to Texas. Many people ask me why
Texas. Honestly I don’t know for sure. I guess it just felt right. I believe
that, once again, this is what God wants us to do. I remember when Ryan was
applying for jobs, we were discussing where we wanted to live, and out of
nowhere I thought “what about Texas?” Just like when I first thought about
going BYU, a light bulb went off in my head and the idea only grew. It was
strange though, considering that I hate the heat and we don’t have any family
there, Texas had never crossed my mind before. Well that and the fact that Ryan
got pretty much the best job he could get in his field in Dallas right out of
college makes it pretty hard to say no to Texas.
And now we are driving to Arizona in our minivan packed with
–almost- all of our belongings (we sold most of our stuff before we left). I
think about how far I’ve come, how far we’ve come. I often think about what my
life would have been like if I had never left Brazil. And I am so happy with
the decisions I made so far. I honestly don’t regret any of them one bit. I
live at peace knowing that I am where God wanted me to be. I know that this is
what He had in store for me all along. I have a very strong testimony that when
we obey God’s commandments, He will never lead us astray. Sometimes His plan is
not the same we had planned for ourselves, in fact most of the time it isn’t.
But He will always lead us to the place we need to be if we let Him guide our
lives.
I know this because here I am, riding in my minivan as we
drive through the Utah Mountains one last time, scared to death again, but this
time I know that as long as I go with my sweet little family and as long as we
have the Gospel, things will be all right. In fact, things will be great! Here
I am sitting next to the man I love and admire more than anything in this
world, listening to Luca’s movie playing in the DVD player, growing another
sweet little baby in my belly.
I never thought this
is where I would be six years ago when I first drove through these mountains,
but I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.
And I can’t wait to see what else is in store for us!
