I'm finally coming around to do the last part of Eden's birth. Congratulatuions if you've made it this far!
I hope to answer most of yall's (Texas is rubbing off on me) questions here.
I wrote my birth story for the one and only purpose of wanting to share my experience. I was NOT trying to convince anybody of anything, promise. Don't come yelling at me if you decide to go natural and you end up having the most painful birth ever!
Perhaps you're wondering why Eden's birth was so healing to me. I know a lot of people who had much more traumatic experiences with birth than I ever did, I actually had a good birth with Luca. But Eden's birth brought healing from things I didn't even know I needed healing from. I needed healing from not recognizing my baby. I needed healing from thinking my baby didn't like me. I needed healing from Doctors telling me I was pre-destined to have such a horrible condition (Obstetrics Cholestasis) and that it would only get worst with each pregnancy. The problem with Cholestasis is not just the itching, but your baby has higher chances of being still born if you have it - we're talking dead babies people! I felt so BROKEN when I heard this. I needed healing from feeling scared. I needed healing from too many changes all at once, I needed healing from things just not working out. I needed asnwered prayers. Eden's birth was the most beautiful end to such a difficult year.
And then you might think I have a crazy high pain tolerence. But let me tell you a secret, at Luca's birth I was a total whimp! I begged for the epidural before I was even 5 cm dilated. Because when you're in the hospital it just... hurts more (I don't know how to put it better). I know a big part of it is because I was on Pitocin, but another huge part of it is because, once at the hospital, I just get all tense, and that plays a huge part on how painful contractions will be. You have the monitors and IVs hooked up on you, nurses checking for dilation all the time and then you start to get worried labor won't progress or something will go wrong. There is not a lot of things you can do to cope with the pain at the hospital, you might have a long detailed birth plan, but once you're in there, chances are you're going to deliver laying flat on your back.
Now for Eden's birth: I was super relaxed the whole time. I was visiting in my living room with family for most of my labor. A contraction would hit and I would concentrate and then I would go back to the conversation like nothing had just happened. And then I got to this Bed and Breakfast and was having a good time with hubby in this super nice, cozy room getting excited to meet my baby girl. Then they put me in this awesome jacuzzi tub when things got painful.
I'm having a hard time trying to explain how much of a difference being in a loving confortable environment versus being in a hospital makes as far as pain goes. It might be sufficient to say that looking back, I was way more unconfortable at Luca's birth than I ever was with Eden's. And with Luca I had the epi super early and with Eden I went all the way natural. I totally reccomend this book, it explains a lot about how your mind cotrols your labor.
I never plan on going back to delivering at hospitals (unless, of course, I need to for medcial reasons), but if I do, I'm so getting the epidural again! (Gasp!) I just have no intention of going through the pushing part of labor in land (not in the water). The water was so soothing and conforting, it really is the midwives' epidural! Since there's not much I can do to cope with the pain at a hospital anyways, might as well make myself confortable the way they know how to. (I know plenty of people who had great natural hospital births, this is just my opinion).
Someone asked how long Eden's labor was compared to Luca's. Luca's labor was about 5-6 hours, but I was on high doses of Pitocin. As for Eden's birth, this is a hard question to answer. My midwife called me a "putter, putter, boommer", that means I keep having contractions that lead to nowhere for a while. And then when I actually go into labor things happen really fast! While having on and off contractions might be frustrating, they are actually doing a lot of work softening your cervix and getting baby into position, so then when you actually go into labor things go really smoothly :) So if you count from the time I started having contractions I was in labor for days, but if you count from the time I started having real labor contractions, it was about 6 hours, but for most of those six hours I was watching movies in the living room with my family (I started having contractions at 8pm and she was born at 1:34 am).
Had my midwife not warned me about not waiting too long to go to the birth center, she would have been born in the car! I would've waited until my water broke to go to the birth center, and since baby came 30 min after that, she would have been born in the car! J said it's common for moms who had Pitocin before to wait too long to get to the birth center, because they wait until contractions get to be as painful as they remember from Pitocin, and natural contractions only get that painful when baby is about to be born (in my case, natural contractions were never as painful as Pitocin contractions, and I had the Epi super early in labor).
I didn't take birth classes. Ryan and I read a book J gave us that had a bunch of coping techniques to practice, but I don't think I really used them. I don't want to discourage anyone from taking birth classes, but I think your attitude will play a bigger role on how you'll cope with labor pains than anything. I wanted a birth center birth so bad, but my chances were so slim of ever being able to have one that I never really cared about how much it was going to hurt, I had a "whatever it takes" kind of attitude. When labor started I was just excited and in disbelief that this was really happening. That Inna May's book I mentioned was the most helpful, even though it's not a book on how to deal with labor pains.
Wow it's really late and I need some sleep! Let me know if you have any other questions!
xxx The End xxx
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
The Birth of Eden - part 6
(continuing)
What?? I'm not supposed to be pushing yet! I haven't even hit transition! JAAAY! How do I make this stop?
I screamed and grunted and screamed some more.
I now get why people who never been around births may think it's so terrifying. The screaming.
But let me tell you something. It felt really good to scream. It wasn't only because of the pain, it was a way to control the pushing and release that out-of-this-world energy in some other way.
Pushing was a lot more intense than I thought it would be. Contractions would come and I couldn't NOT PUSH! At this point I wasn't even feeling the contractions anymore, I was just feeling the overwhelming need to bear down. But at the same time I didn't want to because I was terrified of pushing that huge head out (funny how only then it dawnted on me pushing a baby was going to be painful).
J showed me how to breath to control the pushing a little bit. She also told me to lay on a seated reclined position to try to slow it down (up to this point I was leaning over the side of the tub).
I remember I was holding onto Ryan for dear life and he was shaking so hard! It was cool knowing that we were experiencing this together, this was just as intense for him (ok, maybe not that much).
At some point I thought "there is no turning back now, the only way to make this stop is to have the baby".
I stopped screaming and used all that energy to push my baby out.
I never felt the "ring of fire" (probably because I was in the water), just pressure of her head and shoulders going through the birth canal.
And then baby was out. 1:34 am. Eden Cecile was born. And the world stopped.
Babies born in the water are the cutest thing. She just floated in there like a little fish for a bit before emerging. Then she came up and started crying, I didn't pick her up imediately, I just stared at her in shock.
I can't believe I just did that. I have a daughter. A DAUGHTER! She looks so small.
I finally wrapped my hands around her wet little body and brought her to me. I cradled her in my arms and said "você é linda" (you're beautiful). When she heard my voice, she stoppped crying, widened her eyes and looked at me. We just stared at each other in awe for what it felt like forever. Everything else in the room became a blurr, just background noise. It was as if we were both saying "it's so good to finally meet you". She was so alert, it seemed like she knew exactly what was going on.
An there it was, the moment I worked so hard for. The moment that was taken from me the first time for no good reason. The moment I couldn't give my son. Being born into her mother's arms, the very first contact she had with this world was all about LOVE. No strangers cold, gloved hands. No eye goop blurring her vision. No tubes going in through her nose sucking her airways. No laying on a cold scale, no being rubbed dry. Just love in the arms of her mommy. There was no confusion this time that she was mine. So mine.
When I came out of my transe I realized the tub was almost all the way drained and the cord had stopped pulsing. Ryan cut the cord and took Eden so they could take care of me. At some point the other midwife had gotten there too (labor went so fast she didn't even make it the in time). They helped me out of the tub and into the bed. They weighed baby and she was 7 lb 8 oz (love those 7 pounders, just like Luca), and 20.5 in long. Not bad for being born at exactly 39 weeks gestational age!
I was surprised that I was still in some pain. It wasn't as painful as before, obviously, but I thought the pain was supposed to completely go away after birth? But the midwife checked and I was intact, no tears at all (yay for water birth!).
Eden was crying when she came back to me, I put her nakey on my chest and she calmed down. I breathed her in as much as I could. Brand new babies smell wonderful!! You get a little drunk on that smell. This might seem strange to you if you never had children, because they look gross when they come out. I was so glad she wasn't rubbed dry. She started showing signs that she was hungry, and I brought her to the breast to nurse. It was so funny when she realized food was near her. She widened her eyes and started licking around. She eventually figured out how to latch and she did not want to stop! She would scream bloody murder if you tried to pull her off the breast.
Nursing her for the first time was another healing experience for me. When I tried to nurse Luca for the first time he was already so upset with everything they had done to him that he just screamed and screamed. We had such a hard time trying to get him to nurse, I thought he didn't like me. I thought I had a problem. It turns out, if you just leave mother/baby alone, if you don't get in the way of this first magical after birth moment, they figure it out.
Then it was time for our herbal bath. The midwives filled the tub again with water and healing herbs and put me and baby in there. That was baby's first bath. Much better than a cold, hospital sponge bath :) I just held her head and let her float around the tub. I was so cute.
What?? I'm not supposed to be pushing yet! I haven't even hit transition! JAAAY! How do I make this stop?
I screamed and grunted and screamed some more.
I now get why people who never been around births may think it's so terrifying. The screaming.
But let me tell you something. It felt really good to scream. It wasn't only because of the pain, it was a way to control the pushing and release that out-of-this-world energy in some other way.
Pushing was a lot more intense than I thought it would be. Contractions would come and I couldn't NOT PUSH! At this point I wasn't even feeling the contractions anymore, I was just feeling the overwhelming need to bear down. But at the same time I didn't want to because I was terrified of pushing that huge head out (funny how only then it dawnted on me pushing a baby was going to be painful).
J showed me how to breath to control the pushing a little bit. She also told me to lay on a seated reclined position to try to slow it down (up to this point I was leaning over the side of the tub).
I remember I was holding onto Ryan for dear life and he was shaking so hard! It was cool knowing that we were experiencing this together, this was just as intense for him (ok, maybe not that much).
At some point I thought "there is no turning back now, the only way to make this stop is to have the baby".
I stopped screaming and used all that energy to push my baby out.
I never felt the "ring of fire" (probably because I was in the water), just pressure of her head and shoulders going through the birth canal.
And then baby was out. 1:34 am. Eden Cecile was born. And the world stopped.
Babies born in the water are the cutest thing. She just floated in there like a little fish for a bit before emerging. Then she came up and started crying, I didn't pick her up imediately, I just stared at her in shock.
I can't believe I just did that. I have a daughter. A DAUGHTER! She looks so small.
I finally wrapped my hands around her wet little body and brought her to me. I cradled her in my arms and said "você é linda" (you're beautiful). When she heard my voice, she stoppped crying, widened her eyes and looked at me. We just stared at each other in awe for what it felt like forever. Everything else in the room became a blurr, just background noise. It was as if we were both saying "it's so good to finally meet you". She was so alert, it seemed like she knew exactly what was going on.
An there it was, the moment I worked so hard for. The moment that was taken from me the first time for no good reason. The moment I couldn't give my son. Being born into her mother's arms, the very first contact she had with this world was all about LOVE. No strangers cold, gloved hands. No eye goop blurring her vision. No tubes going in through her nose sucking her airways. No laying on a cold scale, no being rubbed dry. Just love in the arms of her mommy. There was no confusion this time that she was mine. So mine.
When I came out of my transe I realized the tub was almost all the way drained and the cord had stopped pulsing. Ryan cut the cord and took Eden so they could take care of me. At some point the other midwife had gotten there too (labor went so fast she didn't even make it the in time). They helped me out of the tub and into the bed. They weighed baby and she was 7 lb 8 oz (love those 7 pounders, just like Luca), and 20.5 in long. Not bad for being born at exactly 39 weeks gestational age!
I was surprised that I was still in some pain. It wasn't as painful as before, obviously, but I thought the pain was supposed to completely go away after birth? But the midwife checked and I was intact, no tears at all (yay for water birth!).
Eden was crying when she came back to me, I put her nakey on my chest and she calmed down. I breathed her in as much as I could. Brand new babies smell wonderful!! You get a little drunk on that smell. This might seem strange to you if you never had children, because they look gross when they come out. I was so glad she wasn't rubbed dry. She started showing signs that she was hungry, and I brought her to the breast to nurse. It was so funny when she realized food was near her. She widened her eyes and started licking around. She eventually figured out how to latch and she did not want to stop! She would scream bloody murder if you tried to pull her off the breast.
Nursing her for the first time was another healing experience for me. When I tried to nurse Luca for the first time he was already so upset with everything they had done to him that he just screamed and screamed. We had such a hard time trying to get him to nurse, I thought he didn't like me. I thought I had a problem. It turns out, if you just leave mother/baby alone, if you don't get in the way of this first magical after birth moment, they figure it out.
Then it was time for our herbal bath. The midwives filled the tub again with water and healing herbs and put me and baby in there. That was baby's first bath. Much better than a cold, hospital sponge bath :) I just held her head and let her float around the tub. I was so cute.
Then came the annoying part. I had to pee. They won't let you go home until you empty your bladder. So I was just sitting in the potty for a while waiting for peepee to come (sorry for the image).
Then it was time to go home. We left there around 4 am. They like to send you home about 2-3 hours after birth because they want you to sleep in your own bed when baby hits the "recovery sleep".
Everything went so fast! I got to the birth center a little after 12 am, thinking J was gonna send me home, had the baby at 1:34 am, and was happily tucked in my own bed before dawn!
Recovering in my own home was so much nicer than being in the hospital. Ryan loved it!! No dealing with unconfortable hospital beds, nurses poking and waking up your sleeping baby, no lack of privacy.
I was also supposed to be in strict bed rest for 2 days. Which was hard to do because I was feeling so great! I was in that "natural birth high", as midwives call it. When my midwife came to our house the next day to check on us and I opened the door she said "What are youdoing up? You can only go to the bathroom, and then straight back to bed!" Whoops.
Eden's birth was such a healing experience for us. I can't believe how blessed I was! Not only did I beat the odds of having Cholestasis (remember how every doctor said I had a 60-90% chance of having it again?), but Eden was born in the perfect day (December 29th), and I couldn't have asked for a better birth.
(to be continued)
Monday, February 24, 2014
The birth of Eden - part 5
(continuing)
So contractions started coming and there was no doubt they were different this time. They were coming every 5-8 min apart. I called J and she told me to stop pumping and relax, drink a glass of wine even (haha, no), and call her back when contractions were coming every 4 min apart for one hour.
At around 8 pm everybody came home from McDonalds and Luca was really tired. I put him in my bed, with Ryan on the other side of him, and we breathed him in and kissed and squeezed him. I knew I was enjoying our last moment together as a family of three. I cried happy tears as Luca fell asleep in my arms. And contractions kept coming.
We were watching "X men" while I labored in the living room. I would lean over my yoga ball everytime a contraction hit (it felt soooo good leaning over the ball). I was so confused because contractions kept coming, but they were either further apart and really intense, or close together but not that intense. And real labor contractions are supposed to get closer together AND more intense at the same time. So I thought this couldn't be it.
But at 11 pm the contractions were still coming, and even though they weren't as intense, they were coming every 2-4 min apart! We decided maybe it was time to call J and go in (my MIL was starting to get nervous at this point, hehe). But I still wasn't convinced it was the right time to go to the birth center. Real labor HAS to be more painful than this! And I didn't want to go the birth center too early and labor there for hours, or have contractions stop again once I got there.
But then, when Ryan gave me the phone to call J, I was having a contraction and I told him "you call her!". He laughed and said "That's when we know it's time to go".
It was a little after 12 am when we got to the birth center .J checked me and I was 6 cm dilated, my cervix was "paper thin", and baby had not only dropped but she was in the perfect position for labor (yay for my midwife's wisdom and my yoga ball!).
I was excited but I was in serious denial, I thought for sure J was gonna send me back home, I was shocked when she sent me back to the room. She told me I was still a little too happy to get in the birth tub, she thought it was better to wait until I was a "little more grumpy" to get in the water.
So she left us in the room and told me to go get her anytime I needed or wanted her. I was gratefull she left me alone with Ryan, I wasn't in that much pain anyways, I was handling contraction just fine. At some point the student midwife/assistant got there, and she would come and check on me and baby often. It was really nice laboring there, such a cozy room, alone with my husband, leaning over the yoga ball when contractions hit. I thought I was going to be there all night before baby came.
And then, at 1 am, a contraction hit, and it was a LOT more intense than any other contraction I had ever had. And then I felt this POP, and my water broke. It hurt so much I let go of the ball and clung to Ryan for dear life!
J came in and I asked her to check me for dialation, she looked at me and asked "are you sure? I checked you not that long ago". But I wanted to know if I was progressing because I was still in some serious denial. She checked me and I was 7-8 cm, and baby was really low. If I still wasn't convinced that I was in transition, that should have been my clue. They told me to go ahead and get in the birth tub and I told her "maybe I should wait until I'm in REAL pain to get in". J looked at me surprised and said "honey, trust me, if you don't get in right now it'll be too late". Then she left the room shaking her head and saying "she's still in denial".
Then I got in the jacuzzi tub and OH MY GOSH! It felt heavenly! It totally took the edge off the contractions. They left us alone again, coming in to check every so often, they told me to go call anytime I felt like I needed their support or if felt like pushing.
So contractions started coming and there was no doubt they were different this time. They were coming every 5-8 min apart. I called J and she told me to stop pumping and relax, drink a glass of wine even (haha, no), and call her back when contractions were coming every 4 min apart for one hour.
At around 8 pm everybody came home from McDonalds and Luca was really tired. I put him in my bed, with Ryan on the other side of him, and we breathed him in and kissed and squeezed him. I knew I was enjoying our last moment together as a family of three. I cried happy tears as Luca fell asleep in my arms. And contractions kept coming.
We were watching "X men" while I labored in the living room. I would lean over my yoga ball everytime a contraction hit (it felt soooo good leaning over the ball). I was so confused because contractions kept coming, but they were either further apart and really intense, or close together but not that intense. And real labor contractions are supposed to get closer together AND more intense at the same time. So I thought this couldn't be it.
But at 11 pm the contractions were still coming, and even though they weren't as intense, they were coming every 2-4 min apart! We decided maybe it was time to call J and go in (my MIL was starting to get nervous at this point, hehe). But I still wasn't convinced it was the right time to go to the birth center. Real labor HAS to be more painful than this! And I didn't want to go the birth center too early and labor there for hours, or have contractions stop again once I got there.
But then, when Ryan gave me the phone to call J, I was having a contraction and I told him "you call her!". He laughed and said "That's when we know it's time to go".
It was a little after 12 am when we got to the birth center .J checked me and I was 6 cm dilated, my cervix was "paper thin", and baby had not only dropped but she was in the perfect position for labor (yay for my midwife's wisdom and my yoga ball!).
I was excited but I was in serious denial, I thought for sure J was gonna send me back home, I was shocked when she sent me back to the room. She told me I was still a little too happy to get in the birth tub, she thought it was better to wait until I was a "little more grumpy" to get in the water.
So she left us in the room and told me to go get her anytime I needed or wanted her. I was gratefull she left me alone with Ryan, I wasn't in that much pain anyways, I was handling contraction just fine. At some point the student midwife/assistant got there, and she would come and check on me and baby often. It was really nice laboring there, such a cozy room, alone with my husband, leaning over the yoga ball when contractions hit. I thought I was going to be there all night before baby came.
And then, at 1 am, a contraction hit, and it was a LOT more intense than any other contraction I had ever had. And then I felt this POP, and my water broke. It hurt so much I let go of the ball and clung to Ryan for dear life!
J came in and I asked her to check me for dialation, she looked at me and asked "are you sure? I checked you not that long ago". But I wanted to know if I was progressing because I was still in some serious denial. She checked me and I was 7-8 cm, and baby was really low. If I still wasn't convinced that I was in transition, that should have been my clue. They told me to go ahead and get in the birth tub and I told her "maybe I should wait until I'm in REAL pain to get in". J looked at me surprised and said "honey, trust me, if you don't get in right now it'll be too late". Then she left the room shaking her head and saying "she's still in denial".
Then I got in the jacuzzi tub and OH MY GOSH! It felt heavenly! It totally took the edge off the contractions. They left us alone again, coming in to check every so often, they told me to go call anytime I felt like I needed their support or if felt like pushing.
I have footage of Ryan filming me while I was in the Tub and I said "I know I'm gonna bite my tong later, but
this is really not that bad!". That was about 15 min before baby was born.
And then a contraction hit, and I started pushing involuntarily, and (here comes the embarassing part), I screamed.
(to be continued)
The Birth of Eden - part 4
(continuing)
No, no, NO!!
This is not happening! My water did not just brake!
Not today! Oh God, please, NOT TODAY!
My husband is so sick he won't even wake up, I don't have anyone to watch my son, and my MIL will be here in the morning. Do I drive myself to the birth center? I don't have one ounce of energy left in me. You know what, change of plans, give me that epidural!!
I was in tears when I called J to tell her what was happening. She told me that it wasn't my water, when your water breaks there is a lot more water than that. She told me it was probably my cervix softening that was causing me to leak (sorry sor the TMI, might as well get over it or stop reading). She told me to try to relax and go to sleep, and take it easy the next day because I could go into labor any minute now.
When I laid in bed, contractions started coming, but they were different this time. They were a lot like the contractions I had when I was given pitocin, just not as intense. But they were definitely not Braxton Hicks anymore. I prayed and prayed some more and eventually I was able to fall asleep.
The next morning, my MIL and SIL got here (yay!), I also had some bloody show and lost my mucus plug (google it if you wanna know what that is, I don't want to gross you out). I also kept leaking that water, I even had to wear pads. I called J to tell her what was going on and she told me to STOP WORKING AND GO TO SLEEP! I could go into labor any minute now and she didn't want me exhausted when that happens. I took it easy through the rest of the day and contractions died down.
I woke up in the middle of the night anxious, I couldn't fall asleep. My MIL was here, Ryan wasn't sick anymore, we were in the new house. And now the clock was ticking for baby to come in 2013. So I decided to watch youtube videos on exercises I could do to get baby to drop, and accupressure points to get labor started. So I was doing all that while watching "extreme couponers" in the very early morning. When I laid down to go back to sleep, contraction started coming, and they were even more intense. Just out of curiosity I started timing them. Every 5-8 minutes apart. But eventually I was able to fall asleep for a couple hours.
When I woke up there was a wet spot on the sheets. I had leaked that weird water so much that it got my sheets wet! What the heck is going on? Is it my water or not?
So I called J and she told to meet her at the birth center at 11 am, she wanted to check me to find out what was going on. At that point I was thinking she was going to keep me there to have the baby!! And contractions kept coming but they weren't really intense. Ryan and I were frantic trying to get the birth center bag and everything else ready for baby to come. I just wasn't ready to have the baby quite yet. I didn't even have time to unpack Eden's things!
At the Birth Center, J tested that weird liquid and it really was amniotic fluid, but she said my bag of waters was still intact. there was a nice layer between me and baby, so baby was still protected. She said that it was probably the outter layer of my Bag of Waters that was leaking. She also checked my cervix and found out I was about 4-5 cm dilated, my cervix wasn't as soft as she thought it was (which is good), but baby was still high, and to my panick, she started to turn posterior for the first time in this pregnancy. J told me that when a contraction came I should get on all fours or lean over something to help baby turn.
She told to go home and wait for labor to start on its own.
At this point, I was starting to doubt that contractions were ever going to pick up. I did have to have Pitocin with my first after all.
Ryan and I left and we went to Target to pick up some final things for Eden and walk around to help labor get started. I had some really intense contractions while walking at Target! We left there and went to Panda Express to get some spicy food, spicy food is supposed to help get labor started.
*pause #1* I kept thinking what it would have been like if I went to the hospital. They would have kept me there and started me on Pitocin to get contractions going. I probably would have needed to epidural, be trapped on my back, and baby would have turned even more Posterior. I was so happy and at peace that J gave my body the time it needed to go into labor on its own.
We went home and Ryan made me stop unpacking and go to sleep, save my energy for when labor starts. So I took a nap and contractions stopped, but water kept leaking.
When I woke up, Ryan and everybody else were just leaving to go to McDonald's but I decided to stay. I really wanted to finish organizing baby's things, hanging her clothes and all that. And I was also determined to get labor started for real now. So I got my breast pump out and started pumping and bouncing on my yoga ball while watching "Deadliest Catch".
That's when things got intense.
No, no, NO!!
This is not happening! My water did not just brake!
Not today! Oh God, please, NOT TODAY!
My husband is so sick he won't even wake up, I don't have anyone to watch my son, and my MIL will be here in the morning. Do I drive myself to the birth center? I don't have one ounce of energy left in me. You know what, change of plans, give me that epidural!!
I was in tears when I called J to tell her what was happening. She told me that it wasn't my water, when your water breaks there is a lot more water than that. She told me it was probably my cervix softening that was causing me to leak (sorry sor the TMI, might as well get over it or stop reading). She told me to try to relax and go to sleep, and take it easy the next day because I could go into labor any minute now.
When I laid in bed, contractions started coming, but they were different this time. They were a lot like the contractions I had when I was given pitocin, just not as intense. But they were definitely not Braxton Hicks anymore. I prayed and prayed some more and eventually I was able to fall asleep.
The next morning, my MIL and SIL got here (yay!), I also had some bloody show and lost my mucus plug (google it if you wanna know what that is, I don't want to gross you out). I also kept leaking that water, I even had to wear pads. I called J to tell her what was going on and she told me to STOP WORKING AND GO TO SLEEP! I could go into labor any minute now and she didn't want me exhausted when that happens. I took it easy through the rest of the day and contractions died down.
I woke up in the middle of the night anxious, I couldn't fall asleep. My MIL was here, Ryan wasn't sick anymore, we were in the new house. And now the clock was ticking for baby to come in 2013. So I decided to watch youtube videos on exercises I could do to get baby to drop, and accupressure points to get labor started. So I was doing all that while watching "extreme couponers" in the very early morning. When I laid down to go back to sleep, contraction started coming, and they were even more intense. Just out of curiosity I started timing them. Every 5-8 minutes apart. But eventually I was able to fall asleep for a couple hours.
When I woke up there was a wet spot on the sheets. I had leaked that weird water so much that it got my sheets wet! What the heck is going on? Is it my water or not?
So I called J and she told to meet her at the birth center at 11 am, she wanted to check me to find out what was going on. At that point I was thinking she was going to keep me there to have the baby!! And contractions kept coming but they weren't really intense. Ryan and I were frantic trying to get the birth center bag and everything else ready for baby to come. I just wasn't ready to have the baby quite yet. I didn't even have time to unpack Eden's things!
At the Birth Center, J tested that weird liquid and it really was amniotic fluid, but she said my bag of waters was still intact. there was a nice layer between me and baby, so baby was still protected. She said that it was probably the outter layer of my Bag of Waters that was leaking. She also checked my cervix and found out I was about 4-5 cm dilated, my cervix wasn't as soft as she thought it was (which is good), but baby was still high, and to my panick, she started to turn posterior for the first time in this pregnancy. J told me that when a contraction came I should get on all fours or lean over something to help baby turn.
She told to go home and wait for labor to start on its own.
At this point, I was starting to doubt that contractions were ever going to pick up. I did have to have Pitocin with my first after all.
Ryan and I left and we went to Target to pick up some final things for Eden and walk around to help labor get started. I had some really intense contractions while walking at Target! We left there and went to Panda Express to get some spicy food, spicy food is supposed to help get labor started.
*pause #1* I kept thinking what it would have been like if I went to the hospital. They would have kept me there and started me on Pitocin to get contractions going. I probably would have needed to epidural, be trapped on my back, and baby would have turned even more Posterior. I was so happy and at peace that J gave my body the time it needed to go into labor on its own.
We went home and Ryan made me stop unpacking and go to sleep, save my energy for when labor starts. So I took a nap and contractions stopped, but water kept leaking.
When I woke up, Ryan and everybody else were just leaving to go to McDonald's but I decided to stay. I really wanted to finish organizing baby's things, hanging her clothes and all that. And I was also determined to get labor started for real now. So I got my breast pump out and started pumping and bouncing on my yoga ball while watching "Deadliest Catch".
That's when things got intense.
The birth of Eden - part 3
Eden's pregnancy was the craziest time of my life!
While the pregnancy itself went pretty great, I had a lot of emotional ups and downs.
Right when my third trimester began we left everyone and everything behind and moved to Texas.
All of our belongings fit in our minivan, and we didn't know anybody in Dallas.
And Ryan was about to start his new job.
And we decided to buy a house. The house was probably the main source of stress. Our first week in Texas was spent house hunting. We found the perfect house and we almost didn't get it. Lucky for us, the realtor gods aligned and we were able to put an offer in. Our realtor was pretty confident that we'd be able to move into the house by November (I was due January 4th), so I'd have plenty of time to get everything ready for baby. But of course something had to happen. On November 24th we found out our loan file had never been sent and it was just sitting on someone's desk. I was 35 weeks pregnant at that time.
To top it off, my third trimestre was filled with anxiety. I was so afraid that I would start itching again. At 31 weeks I had a really scary episode where I ended up at the hospital in the middle of the night with severe cramping. Turned out it was a bladder infection that was causing my uterus to contract every 2-4 min (yikes!). Going to the hospital only confirmed my decision to have a birth center birth. What a difference the sterile rooms and the hospital staff were from the nice, cozy birth center and the sweet midwives who were so nice they made me feel like I was being pampered everytime I went in for an appointment.
I would count the days to my midwives' appointments. The ladies at the birth center became my best friends. They knew me, they knew my family and where I came from. They knew Luca liked to play with the train set they had. They knew how much I wanted to give my baby a gentle birth, and they wanted it just as much as I did. They knew we were desperate to get into our house. They knew how scared I was of Cholestasis and having to end up with another hospital induction. They would even close the play room doors and do my appointments there so Luca could play with his train set.
I was 37 weeks pregnant when one night, after spending the day at Target getting the last things for baby, I started having contractions every 5 min. And that lasted for HOURS! I was so scared I was gonna go into labor. You see, at that time we were still living in our 1 bedroom apartment, absolutely cramped, and even though I had someone to watch Luca I really wanted my mother-in-law to be here when I had Eden, and she wouldn't be here until December 27th. I called my midwife (lets call her J) to tell her what was going on and she told me that if baby wanted to come that day it'd be fine, she was full term, but J thought my anxiety was going to keep her in there until we moved to the new house, and she also thought all the moving was going to put me into labor. Contractions eventualy died down, but I kept having contractions every day until the end of my pregnancy.
You see, we wanted baby to wait until we were in the new house, wait until my MIL got here, but we desperately needed her to be born in 2013 (hello, tax redemption and low insurance deductibles). So that meant baby had to come between Dec 27th-Dec 30th. But I didn't think I was going to be lucky enough for her to be born exactly when I had planned.
Fast forward a few weeks, December 26th. The day we finally moved into our new house!! We also had a midwife appointment that day. J checked me and said that my cervix was "butter soft", I was about 3 cm dilated, but baby was still high. J said my cervix was so soft she was afraid I was going to have a super fast labor. She made me promise that I wouldn't wait too long to head to the birth center or I was gonna have the baby in the car!!
We spent the day working! Packing and moving and getting everything set up. I was very very pregnant and Ryan was sick. We worked so hard that day that Ryan broke into a fever. His whole body was shaking, I gave him some Motrin and told him to go to bed. So I was left alone to take care of Luca and find and unpack everything. I was so exhausted by the time I put Luca to bed. I was praying and praying that I wouldn't go into labor that night, I just didn't have any energy left. And that was the ONE DAY that we didn't have anyone to watch Luca.
It was 1 am when I finally laid in bed. That's when I felt this water like liquid leaking out of me.
(to be continued)
The birth of Eden - part 2
(continuing...)
My search for a better birth started way before I got pregnant again.
It became clear soon that to give my babies the birth they deserve I would have to get the heck out of the hospital. But, was a home birth really for me? Never in a million years I thought I'd be one of those crazy, brave home-birth-moms.
Then one day I went to visit a friend who was about to have a baby (Hi, Lela!), and when she opened the door she wasn't pregnant anymore! She told me she'd just had the baby that morning, in the water, at a birth center, and that "it didn't hurt that much" (say what?). And she was already home with her family, looking great, as if she'd just run to the grocery store. And the best part? Baby was happily sleeping in her daddy's arms. No nurses to mess with her, she was where she belonged. She made it look so easy.
Then we moved to Dallas, a place blessed with a pretty good number of birth centers and midwives. But cursed with hospitals that have one the highest c-section rates in the country.
I had the chance to meet 3 different birth centers. Then I went to the birth center where I had Eden, and fell in love!! With the place and the Midwife (lets call her R). Just so you know, the birth center is NOT a hospital setting, it looked like a little Bed and Breakfast, for moms who don't want to deliver at home but don't want to go to the hospital either. You can deliver there or the midwives can go to your house if you want a home birth.
When we went in for the "get to know you" visit, R was able to give me more information about Obstetrics Cholestasis (read part 1) than any other OB had before. While all the doctors would tell me "you have a 60-90% chance of developing cholestasis again, there's nothing you can do about it, and when that happens we'll just induce early", R said she would keep a close eye on my liver levels, run tests often, but as long as the results came back normal she'd treat it as a healthy pregnancy. Meanwhile, we would do everything we could to try to PREVENT IT! So we came up with a plan. She put me on Herbal supplements, I started doing accupuncture treatments, and I was on a special low fat, low sugar diet - disclaimer, low fat diets are NOT reccomended in pregnancy, mine was a special case. I was determined more than anything to beat the odds of having Cholestasis again. R also told me that in their practice, they focus on PREVENTING pregnancy complications, instead of simply treating them if they arise. Therefore, their patients have a much lower chance of ever needing medical interventions. Meeting R erased any doubts that a birth center birth was right for me.
I could have a chance to give my baby a gentle birth, and maybe I wasn't broken afterall...
My search for a better birth started way before I got pregnant again.
It became clear soon that to give my babies the birth they deserve I would have to get the heck out of the hospital. But, was a home birth really for me? Never in a million years I thought I'd be one of those crazy, brave home-birth-moms.
Then one day I went to visit a friend who was about to have a baby (Hi, Lela!), and when she opened the door she wasn't pregnant anymore! She told me she'd just had the baby that morning, in the water, at a birth center, and that "it didn't hurt that much" (say what?). And she was already home with her family, looking great, as if she'd just run to the grocery store. And the best part? Baby was happily sleeping in her daddy's arms. No nurses to mess with her, she was where she belonged. She made it look so easy.
Then we moved to Dallas, a place blessed with a pretty good number of birth centers and midwives. But cursed with hospitals that have one the highest c-section rates in the country.
I had the chance to meet 3 different birth centers. Then I went to the birth center where I had Eden, and fell in love!! With the place and the Midwife (lets call her R). Just so you know, the birth center is NOT a hospital setting, it looked like a little Bed and Breakfast, for moms who don't want to deliver at home but don't want to go to the hospital either. You can deliver there or the midwives can go to your house if you want a home birth.
When we went in for the "get to know you" visit, R was able to give me more information about Obstetrics Cholestasis (read part 1) than any other OB had before. While all the doctors would tell me "you have a 60-90% chance of developing cholestasis again, there's nothing you can do about it, and when that happens we'll just induce early", R said she would keep a close eye on my liver levels, run tests often, but as long as the results came back normal she'd treat it as a healthy pregnancy. Meanwhile, we would do everything we could to try to PREVENT IT! So we came up with a plan. She put me on Herbal supplements, I started doing accupuncture treatments, and I was on a special low fat, low sugar diet - disclaimer, low fat diets are NOT reccomended in pregnancy, mine was a special case. I was determined more than anything to beat the odds of having Cholestasis again. R also told me that in their practice, they focus on PREVENTING pregnancy complications, instead of simply treating them if they arise. Therefore, their patients have a much lower chance of ever needing medical interventions. Meeting R erased any doubts that a birth center birth was right for me.
I could have a chance to give my baby a gentle birth, and maybe I wasn't broken afterall...
Sunday, February 23, 2014
The birth of Eden - Part 1
I thought long and hard before posting this, at first I didn't think I was going to write my L&D story, but I decided to do so because people asked, and I love reading other people's birth stories, and because I get a lot of "you're brave" comments when I tell people I had a birth center birth. I just want to show you that I'm not any braver than you are!
Before I talk about Eden's birth story, I have start by giving you a little background on Luca's birth.
It all started when I was 39 weeks pregnant, and I woke up itching from HEAD TO TOE! The itching was so insane even my lips itched, but there was absolutely nothing on my skin. It drove me so crazy that I ended up going to the hospital in the middle of the night. When I got there they ran some blood tests and found out I had a condition called "obstetrics cholestasis", it's a liver condition that arises during pregnancy that causes the terrible itchiness, among other things.
So they just decided to admit me and start Pitocin. The labor went pretty fast, they started Pitocin at 6:30 am, around 9:30 am I had the epidural, and at 11:35 am I had my son in my arms!
As far as hospitals births go, I had a pretty good experience. I had midwives and delivered at a wonderful little hospital that is known to be "natural birth friendly". But there were a few things that I still haven't come to terms with out of Luca's birth.
1.When my water broke they found out I had meconium in my Water. That meant they'd have to take baby from me, they wouldn't let me do skin-to-skin and wait to cut the cord like I so wanted right after birth (google "delayed cord clamping" to find out more).
2. I couldn't feel ANYTHING when I was pushing, nothing. I know that's the whole purpose of the epidural, but I thought it was so strange. I had to keep asking the nurse if I was really pushing because I couldn't feel I was pushing. I felt really detached from the whole birth experience because of this.
3. The lack of privacy really bothered me. Whoever said it's ok having anyone come in the room when you're in such a vulnerable situation?
4. Then baby was born, and they took him from me. He never left the room, never left my side, but he wasn't with me. I thought since I asked to keep him with me they'd be quick to return him to me, but they took their sweet time weighing him, getting his foot prints, rubbing him clean, putting a diaper on him... Meanwhile I'm watching them mess with my baby and I was SO MAD!! I just wanted to rip that nurse's hands off my baby, I just wanted to hold him and make him stop crying. He was already so upset when he came to me that he just screamed and screamed when I tried to nurse him. I thought he hated me.
5. When I held him for the first time, I didn't recognize him. I knew he was my baby, but it seemed like my brain didn't register that he was the same baby that was just inside of me. I actually morned for that baby, I told Ryan over and over "I miss that baby inside me" (luckily, that confusion was short lived, by the time we left the hospital I was already madly in love with him).
I didn't have a traumatic birth experience, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there had to be a better way to bring babies into this world. All that screaming and that crying while nurses mess with this brand new person and they act like it's the most normal thing in the world (you might do this everyday, nurse, but this is HIS VERY FIRST TIME), the lack of privacy, all the needles and the poking an the wires and the monitoring, and everything else that gets in the way of the magic that happens as mom and baby meet and bond for the first time, was that all ABSOLUTELY necessary?
(to be continued)
Before I talk about Eden's birth story, I have start by giving you a little background on Luca's birth.
It all started when I was 39 weeks pregnant, and I woke up itching from HEAD TO TOE! The itching was so insane even my lips itched, but there was absolutely nothing on my skin. It drove me so crazy that I ended up going to the hospital in the middle of the night. When I got there they ran some blood tests and found out I had a condition called "obstetrics cholestasis", it's a liver condition that arises during pregnancy that causes the terrible itchiness, among other things.
So they just decided to admit me and start Pitocin. The labor went pretty fast, they started Pitocin at 6:30 am, around 9:30 am I had the epidural, and at 11:35 am I had my son in my arms!
As far as hospitals births go, I had a pretty good experience. I had midwives and delivered at a wonderful little hospital that is known to be "natural birth friendly". But there were a few things that I still haven't come to terms with out of Luca's birth.
1.When my water broke they found out I had meconium in my Water. That meant they'd have to take baby from me, they wouldn't let me do skin-to-skin and wait to cut the cord like I so wanted right after birth (google "delayed cord clamping" to find out more).
2. I couldn't feel ANYTHING when I was pushing, nothing. I know that's the whole purpose of the epidural, but I thought it was so strange. I had to keep asking the nurse if I was really pushing because I couldn't feel I was pushing. I felt really detached from the whole birth experience because of this.
3. The lack of privacy really bothered me. Whoever said it's ok having anyone come in the room when you're in such a vulnerable situation?
4. Then baby was born, and they took him from me. He never left the room, never left my side, but he wasn't with me. I thought since I asked to keep him with me they'd be quick to return him to me, but they took their sweet time weighing him, getting his foot prints, rubbing him clean, putting a diaper on him... Meanwhile I'm watching them mess with my baby and I was SO MAD!! I just wanted to rip that nurse's hands off my baby, I just wanted to hold him and make him stop crying. He was already so upset when he came to me that he just screamed and screamed when I tried to nurse him. I thought he hated me.
5. When I held him for the first time, I didn't recognize him. I knew he was my baby, but it seemed like my brain didn't register that he was the same baby that was just inside of me. I actually morned for that baby, I told Ryan over and over "I miss that baby inside me" (luckily, that confusion was short lived, by the time we left the hospital I was already madly in love with him).
I didn't have a traumatic birth experience, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there had to be a better way to bring babies into this world. All that screaming and that crying while nurses mess with this brand new person and they act like it's the most normal thing in the world (you might do this everyday, nurse, but this is HIS VERY FIRST TIME), the lack of privacy, all the needles and the poking an the wires and the monitoring, and everything else that gets in the way of the magic that happens as mom and baby meet and bond for the first time, was that all ABSOLUTELY necessary?
(to be continued)
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