The birth of Eden - part 2

(continuing...)

My search for a better birth started way before I got pregnant again.
It became clear soon that to give my babies the birth they deserve I would have to get the heck out of the hospital. But, was a home birth really for me? Never in a million years I thought I'd be one of those crazy, brave home-birth-moms.
Then one day I went to visit a friend who was about to have a baby (Hi, Lela!), and when she opened the door she wasn't pregnant anymore! She told me she'd just had the baby that morning, in the water, at a birth center, and that "it didn't hurt that much" (say what?). And she was already home with her family, looking great, as if she'd just run to the grocery store. And the best part? Baby was happily sleeping in her daddy's arms. No nurses to mess with her, she was where she belonged. She made it look so easy.

Then we moved to Dallas, a place blessed with a pretty good number of birth centers and midwives. But cursed with hospitals that have one the highest c-section rates in the country.
I had the chance to meet 3 different birth centers. Then I went to the birth center where I had Eden, and fell in love!! With the place and the Midwife (lets call her R). Just so you know, the birth center is NOT  a hospital setting, it looked like a little Bed and Breakfast, for moms who don't want to deliver at home but don't want to go to the hospital either. You can deliver there or the midwives can go to your house if you want a home birth.

When we went in for the "get to know you" visit, R was able to give me more information about Obstetrics Cholestasis (read part 1) than any other OB had before. While all the doctors would tell me "you have a 60-90% chance of developing cholestasis again, there's nothing you can do about it, and when that happens we'll just induce early", R said she would keep a close eye on my liver levels, run tests often, but as long as the results came back normal she'd treat it as a healthy pregnancy. Meanwhile, we would do everything we could to try to PREVENT IT! So we came up with a plan. She put me on Herbal supplements, I started doing accupuncture treatments, and I was on a special low fat, low sugar diet - disclaimer, low fat diets are NOT reccomended in pregnancy, mine was a special case. I was determined more than anything to beat the odds of having Cholestasis again. R also told me that in their practice, they focus on PREVENTING pregnancy complications, instead of simply treating them if they arise. Therefore, their patients have a much lower chance of ever needing medical interventions. Meeting R erased any doubts that a birth center birth was right for me.

I could have a chance to give my baby a gentle birth, and maybe I wasn't broken afterall...

The birth of Eden - Part 1

I thought long and hard before posting this, at first I didn't think I was going to write my L&D story, but I decided to do so because people asked, and I love reading other people's birth stories, and because I get a lot of "you're brave" comments when I tell people I had a birth center birth. I just want to show you that I'm not any braver than you are!

Before I talk about Eden's birth story, I have start by giving you a little background on Luca's birth.
It all started when I was 39 weeks pregnant, and I woke up itching from HEAD TO TOE! The itching was so insane even my lips itched, but there was absolutely nothing on my skin. It drove me so crazy that I ended up going to the hospital in the middle of the night. When I got there they ran some blood tests and found out I had a condition called "obstetrics cholestasis", it's a liver condition that arises during pregnancy that causes the terrible itchiness, among other things.
So they just decided to admit me and start Pitocin. The labor went pretty fast, they started Pitocin at 6:30 am, around 9:30 am I had the epidural, and at 11:35 am I had my son in my arms!

As far as hospitals births go, I had a pretty good experience. I had midwives and delivered at a wonderful little hospital that is known to be "natural birth friendly". But there were a few things that I still haven't come to terms with out of Luca's birth.

1.When my water broke they found out I had meconium in my Water. That meant they'd have to take baby from me, they wouldn't let me do skin-to-skin and wait to cut the cord like I so wanted right after birth (google "delayed cord clamping" to find out more).
2. I couldn't feel ANYTHING when I was pushing, nothing. I know that's the whole purpose of the epidural, but I thought it was so strange. I had to keep asking the nurse if I was really pushing because I couldn't feel I was pushing. I felt really detached from the whole birth experience because of this.
3. The lack of privacy really bothered me. Whoever said it's ok having  anyone come in the room when you're in such a vulnerable situation?
4. Then baby was born, and they took him from me. He never left the room, never left my side, but he wasn't with me. I thought since I asked to keep him with me they'd be quick to return him to me, but they took their sweet time weighing him, getting his foot prints, rubbing him clean, putting a diaper on him... Meanwhile I'm watching them mess with my baby and I was SO MAD!! I just wanted to rip that nurse's hands off my baby, I just wanted to hold him and make him stop crying. He was already so upset when he came to me that he just screamed and screamed when I tried to nurse him. I thought he hated me.
5. When I held him for the first time, I didn't recognize him. I knew he was my baby, but it seemed like my brain didn't register that he was the same baby that was just inside of me. I actually morned for that baby, I told Ryan over and over "I miss that baby inside me" (luckily, that confusion was short lived, by the time we left the hospital I was already madly in love with him).

I didn't have a traumatic birth experience, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there had to be a better way to bring babies into this world. All that screaming and that crying while nurses mess with this brand new person and they act like it's the most normal thing in the world (you might do this everyday, nurse, but this is HIS VERY FIRST TIME), the lack of privacy, all the needles and the poking an the wires and the monitoring, and everything else that gets in the way of the magic that happens as mom and baby meet and bond for the first time, was that all ABSOLUTELY necessary?

(to be continued)

Menino ou menina? E o bebê é...

Descobrindo a gravidez

Tentando engravidar pela segunda vez

Driving through the Mountains one last time

It is really happening! We are leaving Utah. I look out the windows to the beautiful Utah Mountains and 

I can’t help but get a little nostalgic. To be totally honest I’m really sad and trying to keep the tears at bay. But at the same time I keep reminding myself that this is a huge blessing. We are getting exactly what we prayed for, and we have so much to look forward to.

I still remember the first time I saw these mountains. When I lived with Leane our favorite thing to do was go on road trips. So obviously we thought it’d be a great idea to travel from Southern California all the way to Idaho. Little did we know the car’s heater wasn’t working. We left the day after Christmas, in the deadly Utah winter. I remember when we got to Idaho I ran to the front of the fireplace to put my toes and fingers on the heat. My toes were blue. Blue people!! I thought they were going to fall off. Oh wel. Great memories. But anyways, back to the mountains…

I was 17 the first time I saw the Wasatch Mountains. It was also my first time seeing snow. I instantly fell in love with the mountains. I remember thinking the sunset in Utah was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Then Leane took me on a little tour of BYU and we went to Temple Square to visit. I spoke to a sweet Brazilian sister missionary there. Her testimony was really powerful, it really touched my heart. That night was the first time I considered being baptized.

Fast forward a year, I was back in Brazil, had gotten into all the Universities I had applied for, graduated from High School, and had everything I ever wanted to. But something didn’t feel quite right. I had just turned 18 and knew in my heart that it was time to get baptized. That is when things took a huge one eighty. My high school friend (and mission president’s daughter at the time) was leaving for BYU - coincidence much that the day after I went back to Brazil I met her? - After talking to her I decided to check out BYU’s website. Well, that is when the idea was planted in my head that I should apply for BYU.  At first I thought it was only in my head and the thought was going to die out. But the idea only grew. The more I prayed about it the clearer it was the path that I should take. My parents trusted me that if that was what was my heart wanted, that I should go. Two months later I got my acceptance letter.

I was 18 when I left my home. My family. My country.  I was scared to death! I was feeling so guilty for leaving my family. And honestly at this point I started to question if leaving Brazil was the right decision for me. If it wasn’t for the people I knew would be here waiting for me I don’t think I would’ve come.  I flew to Las Vegas and Leane and I came to Utah together (because, you know, that’s what we do, we go on road trips together).  When Leane left me in Provo to go back to Vegas, I was scared all over again.

After a week at BYU I knew without a doubt that coming here had been the right thing to do. In my first year at BYU I learned how to be an adult, I went on countless dates but never wanted to seriously date anyone. I met great people, made many friends. I went on more road trips. I spent my days going from class to the library. I learned Italian. I got a job. I paid my own bills. I went camping. I fell in love with this country. I fell more in love with these mountains. And most importantly, every day my testimony of the Gospel grew deeper in my heart.

But something was happening in my life, something that nobody knew. When I came to BYU the plan was to come study hard (and party harder, haha), get a great job, and go back to Brazil. But something told me that, once again, my life was about to take a complete one eighty. That is when I met Ryan. And fell in love with those deep blue eyes.

I know it shocked a lot of people when we got married, but in our faith we are taught not to postpone marriage. And I knew without a doubt that Ryan was the only person I ever saw myself spending the rest of my life with. So I knew I had to marry him. By this point I had learned that I should always do what God wants me to do, not what other people tell me do to do.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes…

Nine months after we got married I peed on a stick. Seconds later a second line started to appear. I was… shocked!! Pleasantly shocked, but shocked nonetheless. We wanted to have a baby, I just really didn’t think it was going to happen so fast. I guess the timing just felt right. I remember we were in the Celestial Room of the Salt Lake Temple and I saw myself holding a little fair skinned, brown haired boy’s hand. He was about Luca’s age. That was before I got pregnant, so when I got pregnant I knew I was going to have a brown haired boy.

When I was big and pregnant we moved to Wymount. It was the best decision we could have made. I loved the large windows. I loved that the mountains were practically my backyard. I loved our tiny apartment, even the cinder block walls started growing on me. I loved the big closets and the large pantry. I loved that in the summer everybody gets together to play volleyball and barbeque out in the quad. I loved that we could walk to the Temple. I loved the ward. But most importantly, I loved my Wymount girls. I loved the fact that when I was feeling lonely I could just go to the playground and there would always be someone to talk to. I loved all the little friends Luca had. I loved how we always babysat each other’s children. I loved how whenever we needed anything all we had to do was shout out in the facebook group and we would have at least 3 people volunteering to help. When I had my miscarriage I cried on my Wymount friends’ shoulders, honestly I didn’t think there was anyone else that could understand me better. This is what’s really bringing the tears to my eyes, thinking that I’m going to leave them.

We are leaving Utah to go to Texas. Many people ask me why Texas. Honestly I don’t know for sure. I guess it just felt right. I believe that, once again, this is what God wants us to do. I remember when Ryan was applying for jobs, we were discussing where we wanted to live, and out of nowhere I thought “what about Texas?” Just like when I first thought about going BYU, a light bulb went off in my head and the idea only grew. It was strange though, considering that I hate the heat and we don’t have any family there, Texas had never crossed my mind before. Well that and the fact that Ryan got pretty much the best job he could get in his field in Dallas right out of college makes it pretty hard to say no to Texas.

And now we are driving to Arizona in our minivan packed with –almost- all of our belongings (we sold most of our stuff before we left). I think about how far I’ve come, how far we’ve come. I often think about what my life would have been like if I had never left Brazil. And I am so happy with the decisions I made so far. I honestly don’t regret any of them one bit. I live at peace knowing that I am where God wanted me to be. I know that this is what He had in store for me all along. I have a very strong testimony that when we obey God’s commandments, He will never lead us astray. Sometimes His plan is not the same we had planned for ourselves, in fact most of the time it isn’t. But He will always lead us to the place we need to be if we let Him guide our lives.

I know this because here I am, riding in my minivan as we drive through the Utah Mountains one last time, scared to death again, but this time I know that as long as I go with my sweet little family and as long as we have the Gospel, things will be all right. In fact, things will be great! Here I am sitting next to the man I love and admire more than anything in this world, listening to Luca’s movie playing in the DVD player, growing another sweet little baby in my belly.

I never thought this is where I would be six years ago when I first drove through these mountains, but I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.  And I can’t wait to see what else is in store for us!

Surpresos? Surprised?

Todo mundo sorria e diga... :)